Ashamed game.

Cr. Gatewood Dooper

"On the first tee, I wet my pants. That's a two-stroke penalty and very embarrassing. I was hitting three on my opening drive. It landed in a trap. I wound up with a nine. My wife went back to the car.

On 2, I went into a trap again. The one behind number 3 green. I managed to save double bogey. My sponsor made an obscene gesture and went looking for my wife.

On 3, 4 and 5, I had bogeys. My caddy agreed to stay one more hole. I triple-bogeyed 6 and he went back to my car, too. To slice my tires.

At 7, I hit a spectator. I had to. He came at me with a rock.

I made the turn at seventeen-over. Before I teed off on 10, the tournament committee asked me to withdraw, my wife came back to the course and asked me for a divorce, and my sponsor stripped his company's name off my bag and hat.

I fell into the lake on 12. One of the marshals pushed me. My drive went into the crowd lining the fairway at 13. I had to take another penalty. They hid my ball.

Number 14 and number 15 were both disasters. At 16, they threw beer at me. At 17, I twisted my ankle. My playing partner tripped me.

At 18, they sang 'Turkey in the Straw' while I tried to hit out of rough." ...

I like golf.

How about you?